Wow, and now this one is up a day late. Not for lack of material though, but for lack of time.
Here is my A-Z challenge Part 5. Yay.
April 18: O is for Oh my gracious, I have an audition today
I hate auditions. I mean, it’s part of acting, so the word gets me excited, but when they happen I yell at myself for getting into show biz. That said, I’ve never shown up to an audition and not gone in. Which I can’t say for job interviews.
I use theater talk, so for me it’s not halftime, it’s intermission, and it’s not a congregation, it’s an audience. But a job interview is not an audition, it’s just a plain job interview. Because I feel like a job interview is real life, and if you screw it up, you’re branded as a failure forever. But an audition, even if it’s competitive, is for the world of make believe, so if you fail you simply lost a game.
But acting is way more important to me than any job, so the stress doesn’t go away even though I’ve done more auditions than I ever thought I would! Godspell is over for me, so the only way to fill the void in my heart was to find another show, and today I auditioned for Seussical the Musical. And on Thursday I’m auditioning for Beauty and the Beast. Why do I put myself through this?
Because I did a pretty good audition, if I do say so myself, and when I got called back for the part I wanted, I felt like there was nothing in the world I couldn’t do.
Are these the lingering effects of teenage hormones?? Why must my feelings be so conflicted?
April 19: P is for People
Ohhhh why are people a thing? I think someone should just pay me a couple thousand dollars a month to stay in my room and watch Netflix.
I’ve only ever had one real, steady, tax-incurring job, and it was brutal. I couldn’t get out of it fast enough. It wasn’t because the work was hard, or the people were mean, or the conditions were bad. It was because I was out in the world with people, and not in the comfort zone of my room. I would do rocket science if it meant I didn’t have to leave my property. But today I was gone pretty much all day, driving my sister, tutoring a girl I know, and running errands. I was late for the first thing, and like a domino effect I was later for all my other commitments. It was the closest thing I’ve had to a job since my previous one ended, and I just felt the misery wash over me like a bucket of ice water. I can’t do extroverty stuff, I just CAN’T!
So it is with a feeling of black hopelessness that I am looking at my summer, which will involve two part-time jobs that add up to a full-time one, and two plays which will require my attention every night and weekend. And a two-week road trip smack in the middle, which does not qualify as a relaxing vacation for me because it involves dealing with people out in the world, zillions of miles away from my comfort zone.
April 20: Q is for Queasiness
I know this is a really depressing, complaining, rambling post that’s all about me, but deal with it. Today I have my Seussical callback, and even though normally I think callbacks are easier because they must have liked what they saw in my audition, I know I’m not ready for this one. My voice isn’t strong enough, and there are a lot of more talented people than me trying out for this. And then there’s a dance audition, which wouldn’t cause me so much stress if I didn’t want it, but I DO want it, and I’m weak dancer, too.
And turns out tomorrow I will be gone from 10:00 AM tomorrow until about 9:00 at night.
Not only am I feeling every kind of queasiness, but I think I’m having a mental breakdown.
And on that cheerful note, we end. See you next time for days 18-20!